


Harry Potter and the Magic Mountain

by schemingreader



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling, Magic Mountain--Thomas Mann
Genre: Crossover, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-21
Updated: 2010-02-21
Packaged: 2017-10-07 10:59:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/64499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/schemingreader/pseuds/schemingreader
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry Potter meets Hans Castorp, the orphaned hero of The Magic Mountain, whom he finds lacking in heroic qualities. They have a conversation in rime royal, the favored stanzas of Geoffrey Chaucer, and the omniscient narrator expresses regret that they don't get together romantically. That's fan fiction for you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Harry Potter and the Magic Mountain

**Harry Potter and the Magic Mountain**

If only all the characters in my books  
Could meet and talk about their plotted lives.  
Especially when they're so close it looks  
Like one's arc from the other one derives.  
When into Hogsmeade, Harry's train arrives  
Do German readers think of Hans' train?  
And do they see Swiss snow in Scotland's rain?

If only these two orphan boys could speak  
With one another, I would love to hear.  
Hans Castorp might think Harry is a freak  
And Harry be repelled by Hans' despair.  
And what a way to spend those seven years  
Confronting one's inevitable death  
Where everyone is fighting for his breath.

I guess that's both of them--for seven years  
They each confronted their mortality  
More active, Harry also faced his fears  
Pursuing magical normality  
While Hans evaded sexuality  
And grown-up life with daily stress and work.  
He lay there, watching time go by, the jerk.

Joachim, now, he was Harry's man,  
He wanted to return to real life  
To face one's fate--that, Harry understands.  
To want a job, a home, some kids, a wife--  
But why is Hans avoiding the Flatlands?   
Is he afraid of all that life demands?  
He loves a woman, says that he's her slave,  
And she is married--tell me, is that brave?

No, Harry doesn't get it, doesn't see  
The point of talking politics all day  
With Settembrini, no, that's not what he  
Would want to do, to waste his time that way.  
The rest cure's even worse, he would have to say.  
All right, so it was kind of Hans to help the sick,  
But for a man of action, that gets old right quick.

Though Harry's younger, he would never tell  
Someone he loved them _because_ they would die  
Not just unkind, it is untrue as well  
He wants to live, to make things grow, to fly--  
He won't tell things to girls to make them cry.  
Hans says, "Harry, we had not zis good rule  
Because there were no mädchen in my school."

"Your English," Harry tells him, "It's not fair."  
Hans smiles and shrugs. "I know it's not so good."  
"You know so much, and you don't even care,  
"You could have stopped that war, you know you could."  
"What, World War I? Have I misunderstood?  
"You blame me for the war? Are you insane?  
"Because I know poor English, I'm to blame?"

"Because you all love death so very much,"  
Harry says, sulking. "We let them...do harm,  
"Do you blame me? Why?" Now Hans tries to touch  
The boy, who shivers, though his head is very warm.  
"You have a fever," Hans says shyly, in good form.  
"What? No I don't," says Harry, "I'm not sick,  
"I wouldn't fall for such a shabby trick."

"You speak French, too," our Harry says to Hans  
"You're even licensed as an engineer."  
"And you do magic, so we may be friends,"  
"I would please to invite you for a beer."  
Now, Harry is disarmed. Hans is sincere,  
He is not Draco, though his hair is blond  
His eyes are gentle and his smile is fond.

"I meant you had the power to understand,"  
Harry persists, as Hans pours out the drinks,  
"I meant you could have protested, joined hands  
With other Europeans. Did you think  
That organ-grinder man was right? That stinks!"  
He bangs the glass down on the tabletop.  
"You're very good, but Harry, you must stop--

"Did you oppose the war you fought, yourself?  
Indeed, you let yourself be killed, nicht wahr?  
You sacrificed yourself, like that house elf."  
He shrugs, "I had to die, I didn't care."  
Hans looks into his eyes, whose greenish stare  
We all recall, but he sees that their shape  
Is like an almond, slanted, like young Hippe.

"We both resolved to die and we both lived,  
We each wanted to learn a magic spell.  
To unlock love. Now, please, dear friend, forgive  
Hans Castorp for the whole Great War as well."  
As they forgive their own dear friends who fell  
In fighting purest evil, for a cause  
Or for whatever reason that there was.

So let them sit awhile and raise a glass  
To all the teachers who died before their eyes  
What object lessons for a tiny class  
Oh Naphta, what a horrible surprise  
Oh Dumbledore, could you not compromise  
And let poor Harry get away from you  
Before you made Snape do what he must do--

Oh all dead people, magic ones or no  
Thank you for your many kindly acts  
To orphans who were in the world alone  
To problem children of the spooled train tracks  
Of endless journeys and white-plumed smokestacks.  
The nightmare of real life has been enough  
I think the young men deserve real love.

Though they are fictional, give them this fate  
To sit and drink and laugh, and become friends  
Perhaps one of them will initiate  
A sexual liason, in the end  
And not ask for a pencil, or depend  
On someone else to always start the kiss.  
Oh problem children, oblige me in this.


End file.
